Anxiety is one of the hardest things to understand. Some people assume it's caused by some overly traumatic experience (which it can be), and others assume anxiety is just a way to describe weak people. First things first, I want to clear up some often mislead ideas of anxiety:
1. I was not born with anxiety. I was always a cautious child, but that was awareness not fear. My first panic attack was when I was 15 years old driving to cheer practice.
2. I can't always predict what will make me anxious. I know heights, the unknown, death, and modes of transportation heighten my anxiety. However, sometimes I will simply be talking to someone, and the anxiety will hit. Sometimes I can stop it, other times I can't. However, I've noted some things that make me anxious:
- transport (cars, planes, etc)
- laying in bed at night to sleep
- death
- strobe lights
- fog
- overpasses
- bullying
- being late
- forgetting things
- driving
- bridges
- heights
- cold weather
3. Comforting doesn't always help, nor does ignorance. Saying words like, "you're fine", "everything is okay", "just take deep breaths", while these phrases seem great, they do nothing but draw attention to the fact that we are panicking. Instead try words like "I'm here.", "do you want X?", "You are normal/ this is normal.", "I'm so proud of you.", "I love you.", etc. These words work to pull me out of my trance and help me become aware of my surroundings. Also, every anxiety is different. What works for some, doesn't always work for everyone. For me, I need hugs, human contact, and reassuring hand squeezes. These comfort and make me feel safe.
4. Listen and explain. Anxiety is a two way street. It's important for those close to someone with anxiety to listen and support them. However, it is our job to tell our loved ones what is happening. This was difficult for my family because I always seemed so confident and "strong", yet anxiety can make even the strongest feel weak. Telling my parents the extent of my anxiety was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I cried. Mom cried. Dad hugged. Even though telling them hurt, finally getting it out in the open made it worth it. It made me feel less alone.
5. I appreciate your encouragement but don't force me. My parents and friends have done a great job with this one. It's difficult for us, just like everyone else. There were times where I wanted to go shopping with my mom, but as soon as I stepped into the car, I started feeling uncomfortable, dreamlike. Mom would look at me, know, and simply talk the whole way to the mall, holding my hand the whole drive. Although my anxiety has gotten 100x's better than before, I still have my moments, and once anxiety has been forgotten a little, it's difficult to encourage without forcing. Just ask my parents.
6. The best help is to find something that calms us. For me, it's absorbing myself into something I love: painting, hiking, sports, games, etc. These activities create a calm clear mind. It's like starting over.
7. Dealing with panic attacks use every ounce of energy. After a panic attack, I feel like I just spent the whole day running a marathon. I want to sleep and do other lazy activities. However, panic attacks do not make someone weak. They make you feel weak. There's a definitive difference. People with panic attacks are the strongest people out there because everyday, they are fighting themselves. They fight things others can neither see nor understand.
Okay, now that some of that is cleared up, lets continue:
So Amber, how do you deal with your anxiety?
Well, everyone is different, so what works for me may not work for you. This question honestly depends on the situation and the level of anxiety, so let me break it down:
High Anxiety
This is my weakest moment, so I usually try to:
- find a safe, quiet room
- be with someone I trust
- hold onto someone I trust
- cry
- listen to music
- grab something soft
- lay down
- step away from the situation
- try to find somewhere comfortable
- listen to music
- try deep breathing
- hug someone
- call someone I trust
- lay down
- draw/paint/clean
- listen to music
- deep breathing
- think of something funny
- hug someone
- call someone I trust
- exercise
- tell myself "no" and say I will be okay (this might just work for me)
YES. I can't emphasize enough how much school affects anxiety. The worst time for me is finals week. Stress+anxiety? Ugh, no.
My friend/loved one is suffering from anxiety, what can I do?
The best answer I can give is to ask them what you can do. What do they need/want/think. Let them know they are 100% normal, accepted, and definitely not a burden.
How do you do things that scare you without panicking?
It's almost impossible. If it scares me, I will panic, but the important thing for me is pushing through that. I know the difference between reluctance and fear. The hardest part is figuring out what actually scares you vs. just thinking everything will cause panic.
How can you handle flying?
Planes are both amazing and awful. They terrify me. I hate take off, and sometimes, I feel trapped on the plane. I love landing though. These are some of the things that help me when I feel anxious:
- listen to my favorite music on loud
- sleep
- wear an eye cover
- keep myself busy (homework/ editing videos/ typing)
- watching the flight tracker (This is available on Southwest flights. I don't know about other airlines)
- picturing the destination
- squeezing my teddy
- have water, lots of water
Are you okay?
Is anyone ever truly "okay"? I'm happy and saying yes, and that's the best I can do. Thanks for asking, though. ♥
Remember: you are never alone. There are so many people who suffer from anxiety. It's normal, and there is always someone here for you (me ^.^).
♥
