Growing Up

Welcome back,

 

Recently, I've been reflecting and thinking about how far I've come. Since my 20th birthday has just passed, I've started worrying about more adult type problems (along with graduating next year!). I feel like growing up is honestly one of scariest, hardest experiences. In the transition of passing "childhood" and entering "adulthood", there have been so many highs and lows. Panic attacks became prevalent, but the attacks have made the small things all that much more important. I thought I would share some tips/ things I've learned from the rockiest times of my life thus far:

• Best friends come when you least expect it. 

I found my best friend in a hellish English class, and our first conversation was debating a guy's sexuality. Besties.

• You are never too busy for those you love.

In the midst of finals, homework, etc., it can easily feel as though you have no time, but trust me, if someone is important, you will always make time.

• Keep the ride or die friends and drop the rest.

Life is too short to live with people who are playing games with you. If you find yourself questioning their love for you or if they are constantly making you feel bad, they are not your friends. I learned this the hard way. As a side note in this, relationships are included. If it feels wrong, it is. Let them go.

• If something makes you happy, do it.

On the same lines as before, we only have one life, so why waste it pretending to be happy? A song makes you want to dance? Dance. I would rather have an 'embarrassing' friend than a friend who is too reserved, and honestly, those who tell you stop or do something else are irrelevant. You do you, girl (boy).

• There will be times when you fall apart.

Trust me, I feel you. Maybe it's stress. Maybe your dog just died. Or maybe it's everything at once. I've been there. I've cried, broken down, but in the end, those who loved me were always there, whether family, friends, or other. They won't judge you because it's normal to feel things.

• Too many things is a bad thing.

For the longest time, I tried to constantly fit in, so I thought material possessions would help. NEWS FLASH: they don't. If anything, it makes you feel materialistic. I recently just purged over 90% of my closet because honestly half of the clothes didn't make me feel happy or confident, same with my makeup. Invest in classic pieces.

• Start a healthy life young, so it will be habit when you're old.

So many people think that their metabolisms will stay high even into adulthood. That's not the case for everyone. Also, being healthy makes you feel so much better. I know it sounds hard now, but trust me, once you stop something, it stops being good. For example, I quit drinking pop and other sugary drinks in 8th grade, and my acne cleared up, I never crave the sugar, and my body revolts at the thought of pop. Drinking pop actually makes me physically sick.

• If it scares you, ask yourself why. If it is an illogical reason, do it anyways.

I've read a lot of posts that say, "if it scares you, do it". I don't think that is necessarily good, but I think that if it's an irrational fear, then you should do it. For example, sometimes I get scared to do something for fear of having a panic attack. While it seems impossible, I continue on with my plans because panic attack or not, I refuse to let my fears hold me back. However, this does not mean do something childishly stupid that could leave you hurt or worse. Use logic.

• Lust and love are not the same thing.

There are two types of attention: good and bad. I would rather have a boy like me when I look super modest than have a boy hit on me at the club. When I was in high school, there was a constant pressure to be sexy, but in reality, those who notice the sexiness are generally just after you physically. It's a one and done deal, not a forever type. Learn the difference and demand respect. Don't settle for less.

• The best role models are the timeless ones.

For me, my role models are people like Audrey Hepburn or Julie Andrews. Both women are classy and fabulously sassy. Another example is Emma Watson. One thing all of these women have in common is their feminist approaches, while still being likeable.

• Every cause is worth the support.

I'm not saying you should be overly passionate about every cause because that doesn't benefit anything. What I am saying is that you should always listen to different views and properly research. I mention this because I used to get annoyed with 'feminists', until I actually researched feminism. It's not about man-hating, it's about equality. Other important causes are sexual-identity issues (LGBTQ) and race issues. One should never be ignorant in these sorts of causes. Everyone is human, stand up for them. You never know who may come out as LGBTQ or who you will see being publicly shamed or hated for their skin color or sex. Stand up for those who are hated against (except Westboro Baptist).

• Never lose an opportunity to tell someone you love them/they are important.

The hardest part about growing up is realizing how much one thing can affect someone. People often think everyone is fine, but it's usually the happiest people who are falling apart on the inside. You never know how close someone is to giving up. Just by giving them a compliment or protecting them from hate can pull them back from the precipice. It's not awkward, and it doesn't make you a 'loser'. Male, female, adult, child, it doesn't matter. Everyone matters, and you should try to make yourself the person that people know will always be there. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

And finally,

• Let it go.

I feel like this is a cliché, but I can't bring myself to care. In high school, I was constantly worrying about what others would think, and I would get so upset over small, petty things. Once I started having panic attacks, I realized how insignificant most problems are. When I start to feel angry over some small, insignificant problem,  I feel myself start to get anxious. It's not worth it, so recently, I've been stopping myself to ask, "why is this getting to me?". I know everyone says stuff like, "will this problem really matter in a year" or something, but it's true. I honestly can't remember the last time I was mad about something that actually affected me later. Let it go.

Remember, I love you, and I'm here for you. We are all just trying to figure out this life thing, so stop hating on how one person lives there life. Help them. Now seize the day!

X

Anxiety and Panic Attacks.

Anxiety is one of the hardest things to understand. Some people assume it's caused by some overly traumatic experience (which it can be), and others assume anxiety is just a way to describe weak people. First things first, I want to clear up some often mislead ideas of anxiety:

1. I was not born with anxiety. I was always a cautious child, but that was awareness not fear. My first panic attack was when I was 15 years old driving to cheer practice.

2. I can't always predict what will make me anxious. I know heights, the unknown, death, and modes of transportation heighten my anxiety. However, sometimes I will simply be talking to someone, and the anxiety will hit. Sometimes I can stop it, other times I can't. However, I've noted some things that make me anxious:

• transport (cars, planes, etc)
• laying in bed at night to sleep
• death
• strobe lights
• fog
• overpasses
• bullying
• being late
• forgetting things
• driving
• bridges
• heights
• cold weather

3. Comforting doesn't always help, nor does ignorance. Saying words like, "you're fine", "everything is okay", "just take deep breaths", while these phrases seem great, they do nothing but draw attention to the fact that we are panicking. Instead try words like "I'm here.", "do you want X?", "You are normal/ this is normal.", "I'm so proud of you.", "I love you.", etc. These words work to pull me out of my trance and help me become aware of my surroundings. Also, every anxiety is different. What works for some, doesn't always work for everyone. For me, I need hugs, human contact, and reassuring hand squeezes. These comfort and make me feel safe.

4. Listen and explain. Anxiety is a two way street. It's important for those close to someone with anxiety to listen and support them. However, it is our job to tell our loved ones what is happening. This was difficult for my family because I always seemed so confident and "strong", yet anxiety can make even the strongest feel weak. Telling my parents the extent of my anxiety was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I cried. Mom cried. Dad hugged. Even though telling them hurt, finally getting it out in the open made it worth it. It made me feel less alone. 

5.  I appreciate your encouragement but don't force me. My parents and friends have done a great job with this one. It's difficult for us, just like everyone else. There were times where I wanted to go shopping with my mom, but as soon as I stepped into the car, I started feeling uncomfortable, dreamlike. Mom would look at me, know, and simply talk the whole way to the mall, holding my hand the whole drive. Although my anxiety has gotten 100x's better than before, I still have my moments, and once anxiety has been forgotten a little, it's difficult to encourage without forcing. Just ask my parents.

6. The best help is to find something that calms us. For me, it's absorbing myself into something I love: painting, hiking, sports, games, etc. These activities create a calm clear mind. It's like starting over. 

7. Dealing with panic attacks use every ounce of energy. After a panic attack, I feel like I just spent the whole day running a marathon. I want to sleep and do other lazy activities. However, panic attacks do not make someone weak. They make you feel weak. There's a definitive difference. People with panic attacks are the strongest people out there because everyday, they are fighting themselves. They fight things others can neither see nor understand.

Okay, now that some of that is cleared up, lets continue: 

So Amber, how do you deal with your anxiety?

Well, everyone is different, so what works for me may not work for you. This question honestly depends on the situation and the level of anxiety, so let me break it down:

High Anxiety

This is my weakest moment, so I usually try to:

• find a safe, quiet room
• be with someone I trust
• hold onto someone I trust
• cry
• listen to music
• grab something soft
• lay down
• step away from the situation

Mild Anxiety

• try to find somewhere comfortable
• listen to music
• try deep breathing
• hug someone
• call someone I trust
• lay down
• draw/paint/clean

Low Anxiety

• listen to music
• deep breathing
• think of something funny
• hug someone
• call someone I trust
• exercise
• tell myself "no" and say I will be okay (this might just work for me)

Does school affect anxiety?

YES. I can't emphasize enough how much school affects anxiety. The worst time for me is finals week. Stress+anxiety? Ugh, no. 

My friend/loved one is suffering from anxiety, what can I do?

The best answer I can give is to ask them what you can do. What do they need/want/think. Let them know they are 100% normal, accepted, and definitely not a burden. 

How do you do things that scare you without panicking?

It's almost impossible. If it scares me, I will panic, but the important thing for me is pushing through that. I know the difference between reluctance and fear. The hardest part is figuring out what actually scares you vs. just thinking everything will cause panic.

How can you handle flying?

Planes are both amazing and awful. They terrify me. I hate take off, and sometimes, I feel trapped on the plane. I love landing though. These are some of the things that help me when I feel anxious: 

• listen to my favorite music on loud
• sleep
• wear an eye cover
• keep myself busy (homework/ editing videos/ typing)
• watching the flight tracker (This is available on Southwest flights. I don't know about other airlines) 
• picturing the destination
• squeezing my teddy
• have water, lots of water

Are you okay?

Is anyone ever truly "okay"? I'm happy and saying yes, and that's the best I can do. Thanks for asking, though. ♥

Remember: you are never alone. There are so many people who suffer from anxiety. It's normal, and there is always someone here for you (me ^.^).

♥

My Top Tips for Studying a Foreign Language

Bonjour mes beautés!

This post is going to be slightly different from my usual posts because instead of updating everyone on my life, I'm going to share some tips on studying a new language.

In case I haven't mentioned it before on here, I am a French and English major (a struggling French major, but a major nonetheless). These are just some things that I have found to be extremely helpful when learning a second language.

1. Practice is key. 

When I was just beginning French (8 years ago), I would constantly try to use my given vocabulary. For example, one of the first batch of words we learned were colors, numbers, and basic introductions. So if I saw a number (let's say 10), I would say ten, but in my head I would repeat it in French, dix. Languages are easier when you try to use them outside of the classroom.

Since our generation is so keen on technology, I thought I might as well include an app that I use and find helpful.

Duolingo

Duolingo is for those who have a background in French (I started after taking basic French in middle school). It's a fairly simple app that is easy to follow.
It has multiple language options, so it is not limited to just French!

2. Talk to people.

This goes hand in hand with my last point because it is practice outside of class. If your friends are in your class with you, try speaking in French for 10-15 minutes a day with each other. Trust me, it will be super awkward in the beginning, but by the third or fourth time, you'll begin to look forward to it. If you screw up, that's okay. When I speak with Rhees, we mess up frequently, but we laugh it off and try to explain around the words we don't know. It's like a game!

If you don't feel comfortable physically speaking to someone, you can always try texting, emailing, or writing pen pals. (Always be cautious if it is someone you do not know. Never give out information and stay safe!)

3. Wordreference is your new best friend.

I use wordreference way more than a dictionary because it's quick, easily accessible (they have an app for smart phones!), up to date, and it can help with certain phrases. Be cautious of the dreaded forums though. Sometimes they can help, but they can also be horribly wrong (it's similar to Yahoo Answers).

4. If you can meet with natives, do it!

Natives are very understanding (generally) of the struggles to learn their language. I have some really good friends from France who try to help me with any questions I have. They can also give you exposure to the speed and fluidity of their language. You'll also learn secret shortcuts for if you ever study abroad! They can teach you slang and ways to combine words to speak faster (in English we sometimes say: D'ya wanna go to the store? when we need to say it quick. It's the same in French and most other languages).

5. Entertainment

Music, movies, books, video games, etc. can all help. I started off watching Madeline (similar to Dora the Explorer), and then, I gradually watched more complex movies/TV shows. In high school, my French teacher would have us read fairytales and short books in French with minimal help, and then we would watch the movie (in French of course!) in class with subtitles in French (in case they spoke to fast). I found this really helpful, personally. Books are lovely, and since I'm a nerd, it's my favorite part. Start small by reading children's books (Le petit prince, La belle et la bête, and more!) and gradually work your way towards harder books like Le comte de monte-cristo.

Madeline the book

 I like listening to music a lot, so I started out small by listening to a common French singer, Stromae. Be warned: he uses a lot of slang! Gradually, I started listening to other genres of music. Edith Piaf is fabulous.

6. Study abroad or travel abroad!
Trust me, I understand the money struggle, but the money is 100% worth it. I'm planning on going abroad in college, and I am stoked! Study abroad is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and it's your chance to be in a country around their natives. There are a millions of options available at your fingertips: your school study abroad office, API, AIFS, EF, etc.

 7. Homework and Exercises
Trust me, I know the struggle of doing homework and exercises. I hated them too, so I had moments where I wouldn't do them because I wanted to watch T.V. or go do something. It's hard to just sit down and do it, but I promise it makes a huge difference. Writing in pen also works well (when you know what you are doing!).

So there you have it! These are my tips for studying a foreign language.
Do you have an other advice? Have these worked for anyone else?

Au revoir et bonne chance!

X 

Amber