The Distance

Welcome Back!

I know it's been a hot minute since I've posted anything, so I thought I would talk about something I hear a lot.....(A LOT). As you may or may not know, I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years now, and while he completes his degree, we are stuck in long distance.

Photo from our trip to Montréal this past March

Just to clarify by "long distance", I don't mean he lives a few towns over; by long distance, I mean I live in the Pacific North West (PNW), while he lives in France.

Now, every time I mention it in passing, or it is brought up in conversation, I get one of two reactions:

The Debbie Downer: "How? Why? That sucks. I couldn't do that. Meh"

or

The starry-eyed romantic: "*blissful sigh* That's so [sexy/ romantic/ beautiful]. I would love to date a foreign guy. I would love to travel."

While both reactions are fine and not usually a big deal, what the Debbie Downer forgets is that yeah, it's hard, but you know what? If you truly love someone then distance isn't the end of the world, and some of us aren't lucky enough to fall in love with someone who lives in the same town/state/country/continent/whatever. So while, yes, it is hard, please stop acting like it's the end of the world.

As for the starry-eyed romantics, they always talk about how "great" it must be to be dating someone from another country....but to be honest, it can really suck. What they often forget is simple things:

• time differences
• travel costs/ visit (visas, flights, hotels, etc.)
• the almost impossible feat of trying to move to the same country without getting married (some of us actually want to ease into that instead of just marrying for a visa)
• the emotional toll it takes for you to constantly miss someone
• let's not forget the language/ cultural barrier (even if you speak 2 common languages as we do)
• the near constant pressure from everyone around us to just "find someone [in your own country]"
• the constant stress from trying to coordinate even the simple things (Skyping, travel, important events)
• oh, and the hardest one for me? not having him there when something huge happens (graduation, a panic attack, an interview, etc)

 So, while, yes, I appreciate the interest that people generally have, I do think people overlook how hard it is and how hard it's been on the couple.

So my advice for talking to someone in a long distance relationship?

• Please stop telling us how hard it must be....yes, we know. 
• Please stop over-romanticizing it....it's not all easy peasy romance movies.
• Please just understand that we told you the information to simply get it out of the way....not to make a huge deal of it. 

My advice for those thinking of starting a long distance relationship (specifically with someone from another country):

• Try your hardest to understand their culture and tell them about yours
• Make a set schedule for certain times or days to talk or Skype
• Make sure you keep sharing your life, while living it without them (share photos, videos, drawings, whatever you've done that day)
• When you feel yourself getting down or worn thin, reach out to them and let them know. If not, reach out to someone, like me, who is in a similar situation.
• Stay patient (trust me I know how hard it is to be talking and not understand what your significant other is saying...but try not to get angry...especially if your language isn't their first language)
• Give and take (try to give them space for their own life (and yours!))
• Love as passionately as you can (but if you know they aren't right for you, don't get swept up into a fake fairytale just because they are foreign/have a sexy accent/etc. because in the end, it's not fair to either of you.

Until next time,

Amber <3

My Top Tips for Studying a Foreign Language

Bonjour mes beautés!

This post is going to be slightly different from my usual posts because instead of updating everyone on my life, I'm going to share some tips on studying a new language.

In case I haven't mentioned it before on here, I am a French and English major (a struggling French major, but a major nonetheless). These are just some things that I have found to be extremely helpful when learning a second language.

1. Practice is key. 

When I was just beginning French (8 years ago), I would constantly try to use my given vocabulary. For example, one of the first batch of words we learned were colors, numbers, and basic introductions. So if I saw a number (let's say 10), I would say ten, but in my head I would repeat it in French, dix. Languages are easier when you try to use them outside of the classroom.

Since our generation is so keen on technology, I thought I might as well include an app that I use and find helpful.

Duolingo

Duolingo is for those who have a background in French (I started after taking basic French in middle school). It's a fairly simple app that is easy to follow.
It has multiple language options, so it is not limited to just French!

2. Talk to people.

This goes hand in hand with my last point because it is practice outside of class. If your friends are in your class with you, try speaking in French for 10-15 minutes a day with each other. Trust me, it will be super awkward in the beginning, but by the third or fourth time, you'll begin to look forward to it. If you screw up, that's okay. When I speak with Rhees, we mess up frequently, but we laugh it off and try to explain around the words we don't know. It's like a game!

If you don't feel comfortable physically speaking to someone, you can always try texting, emailing, or writing pen pals. (Always be cautious if it is someone you do not know. Never give out information and stay safe!)

3. Wordreference is your new best friend.

I use wordreference way more than a dictionary because it's quick, easily accessible (they have an app for smart phones!), up to date, and it can help with certain phrases. Be cautious of the dreaded forums though. Sometimes they can help, but they can also be horribly wrong (it's similar to Yahoo Answers).

4. If you can meet with natives, do it!

Natives are very understanding (generally) of the struggles to learn their language. I have some really good friends from France who try to help me with any questions I have. They can also give you exposure to the speed and fluidity of their language. You'll also learn secret shortcuts for if you ever study abroad! They can teach you slang and ways to combine words to speak faster (in English we sometimes say: D'ya wanna go to the store? when we need to say it quick. It's the same in French and most other languages).

5. Entertainment

Music, movies, books, video games, etc. can all help. I started off watching Madeline (similar to Dora the Explorer), and then, I gradually watched more complex movies/TV shows. In high school, my French teacher would have us read fairytales and short books in French with minimal help, and then we would watch the movie (in French of course!) in class with subtitles in French (in case they spoke to fast). I found this really helpful, personally. Books are lovely, and since I'm a nerd, it's my favorite part. Start small by reading children's books (Le petit prince, La belle et la bête, and more!) and gradually work your way towards harder books like Le comte de monte-cristo.

Madeline the book

 I like listening to music a lot, so I started out small by listening to a common French singer, Stromae. Be warned: he uses a lot of slang! Gradually, I started listening to other genres of music. Edith Piaf is fabulous.

6. Study abroad or travel abroad!
Trust me, I understand the money struggle, but the money is 100% worth it. I'm planning on going abroad in college, and I am stoked! Study abroad is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and it's your chance to be in a country around their natives. There are a millions of options available at your fingertips: your school study abroad office, API, AIFS, EF, etc.

 7. Homework and Exercises
Trust me, I know the struggle of doing homework and exercises. I hated them too, so I had moments where I wouldn't do them because I wanted to watch T.V. or go do something. It's hard to just sit down and do it, but I promise it makes a huge difference. Writing in pen also works well (when you know what you are doing!).

So there you have it! These are my tips for studying a foreign language.
Do you have an other advice? Have these worked for anyone else?

Au revoir et bonne chance!

X 

Amber