=: 2015

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Negativity

Negativity is everywhere. We all exude it in one way or another, and to be honest, once you get in the 'negative' slump, it's difficult to get out of. It generally starts with a critique.

"Why is she doing _____. She's not cool."

Yet 99% of the people who say these exact phrases try to cover their own negativity by judging others'. For example Friend A says, "Gah, my teacher is so stupid. Like, and the kid next to me is soooo annoying." Friend B replies with, "Oh my God, have you met _____? He thinks he's sooo cool, but he's such a loser." Friend A suddenly goes on the defense with, "Who are you to judge?"

Everyone has been there. I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it. So what makes one negativity better than another?

Reflection.

When I think or say something mean, I have started to automatically reflect on my reasoning.

Say I yell at my mom, "Oh my God, Mom, you're so embarrassing.", I immediately start thinking about how that will affect her. When you begin to think on what you say, you realize how spiteful and painful words can be.
I have come to a point in my life where ego doesn't matter. Sorry does.

How can someone handle negativity? I think it differs for every person, but I can honestly say that I have found ways of handling negativity by combating it with positivity.

Here are some of the questions that I ask myself:

Does this hurt/ insult someone?
Why is this important?
Does this directly affect someone's life?
Would this hurt me?
How will this impact the person?

After I started to think like this, I started to actually feel happier and less anxious.

How does one combat negativity with positivity?

The best way I can explain this is by examples so here:

Instead of commenting on one negative thing about someone, comment about what is great about them.
Instead of criticizing someone for having fun, join them. Dance part-ay anyone?
Instead of thinking about how shitty today was, think of all of the great things that happened today (even if it was just being alive and waking up). (Go you!)
Instead of critiquing yourself on minor imperfections, work on flaunting the aspects that make you feel great (like your killer smile!).
Instead of calling someone "stupid", "dumb", or an "idiot", think of something positive about them. Like how "cute" they are or how "smart" they are.
Instead of crushing the successes of others, encourage them. You lost one pound? Good for you!
Instead of saying you "hate" _____, say that you appreciate something about it, or simply say "it's not my taste/style".
Eliminate hate slang from your vocab. I already mentioned this, but words like: stupid, dumb, idiot, lame, fag, etc. are harmful and honestly make you look like the fool. Lose these words. You'll also gain a better vocabulary and appreciation for everything.
Instead of trying to fit in, do what makes you happy.
Instead of responding to mean comments on a post you made, simply ignore it. Let others see how horrible that person is.
Drop all racial slurs, and racist, sexist, and any other-ist from your vocab. We are better than that.
Instead of becoming angry or embarrassed over something, roll with it, laugh it off.
Stop getting upset of things that won't matter.
Remember that you are special, and "You go Glenn Coco!"

I hope this helped everyone in someway. I'm by no means saying I'm perfect at this, but I'm making a conscious effort. This is how I'm living happier and with less anxiety. How do you?

X

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Growing Up

Welcome back,

Recently, I've been reflecting and thinking about how far I've come. Since my 20th birthday has just passed, I've started worrying about more adult type problems (along with graduating next year!). I feel like growing up is honestly one of scariest, hardest experiences. In the transition of passing "childhood" and entering "adulthood", there have been so many highs and lows. Panic attacks became prevalent, but the attacks have made the small things all that much more important. I thought I would share some tips/ things I've learned from the rockiest times of my life thus far:

Best friends come when you least expect it.

I found my best friend in a hellish English class, and our first conversation was debating a guy's sexuality. Besties.

You are never too busy for those you love.

In the midst of finals, homework, etc., it can easily feel as though you have no time, but trust me, if someone is important, you will always make time.

Keep the ride or die friends and drop the rest.

Life is too short to live with people who are playing games with you. If you find yourself questioning their love for you or if they are constantly making you feel bad, they are not your friends. I learned this the hard way. As a side note in this, relationships are included. If it feels wrong, it is. Let them go.

If something makes you happy, do it.

On the same lines as before, we only have one life, so why waste it pretending to be happy? A song makes you want to dance? Dance. I would rather have an 'embarrassing' friend than a friend who is too reserved, and honestly, those who tell you stop or do something else are irrelevant. You do you, girl (boy).

There will be times when you fall apart.

Trust me, I feel you. Maybe it's stress. Maybe your dog just died. Or maybe it's everything at once. I've been there. I've cried, broken down, but in the end, those who loved me were always there, whether family, friends, or other. They won't judge you because it's normal to feel things.

Too many things is a bad thing.

For the longest time, I tried to constantly fit in, so I thought material possessions would help. NEWS FLASH: they don't. If anything, it makes you feel materialistic. I recently just purged over 90% of my closet because honestly half of the clothes didn't make me feel happy or confident, same with my makeup. Invest in classic pieces.

Start a healthy life young, so it will be habit when you're old.

So many people think that their metabolisms will stay high even into adulthood. That's not the case for everyone. Also, being healthy makes you feel so much better. I know it sounds hard now, but trust me, once you stop something, it stops being good. For example, I quit drinking pop and other sugary drinks in 8th grade, and my acne cleared up, I never crave the sugar, and my body revolts at the thought of pop. Drinking pop actually makes me physically sick.

If it scares you, ask yourself why. If it is an illogical reason, do it anyways.

I've read a lot of posts that say, "if it scares you, do it". I don't think that is necessarily good, but I think that if it's an irrational fear, then you should do it. For example, sometimes I get scared to do something for fear of having a panic attack. While it seems impossible, I continue on with my plans because panic attack or not, I refuse to let my fears hold me back. However, this does not mean do something childishly stupid that could leave you hurt or worse. Use logic.

Lust and love are not the same thing.

There are two types of attention: good and bad. I would rather have a boy like me when I look super modest than have a boy hit on me at the club. When I was in high school, there was a constant pressure to be sexy, but in reality, those who notice the sexiness are generally just after you physically. It's a one and done deal, not a forever type. Learn the difference and demand respect. Don't settle for less.

The best role models are the timeless ones.

For me, my role models are people like Audrey Hepburn or Julie Andrews. Both women are classy and fabulously sassy. Another example is Emma Watson. One thing all of these women have in common is their feminist approaches, while still being likeable.

Every cause is worth the support.

I'm not saying you should be overly passionate about every cause because that doesn't benefit anything. What I am saying is that you should always listen to different views and properly research. I mention this because I used to get annoyed with 'feminists', until I actually researched feminism. It's not about man-hating, it's about equality. Other important causes are sexual-identity issues (LGBTQ) and race issues. One should never be ignorant in these sorts of causes. Everyone is human, stand up for them. You never know who may come out as LGBTQ or who you will see being publicly shamed or hated for their skin color or sex. Stand up for those who are hated against (except Westboro Baptist).

Never lose an opportunity to tell someone you love them/they are important.

The hardest part about growing up is realizing how much one thing can affect someone. People often think everyone is fine, but it's usually the happiest people who are falling apart on the inside. You never know how close someone is to giving up. Just by giving them a compliment or protecting them from hate can pull them back from the precipice. It's not awkward, and it doesn't make you a 'loser'. Male, female, adult, child, it doesn't matter. Everyone matters, and you should try to make yourself the person that people know will always be there. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

And finally,

Let it go.

I feel like this is a cliché, but I can't bring myself to care. In high school, I was constantly worrying about what others would think, and I would get so upset over small, petty things. Once I started having panic attacks, I realized how insignificant most problems are. When I start to feel angry over some small, insignificant problem, I feel myself start to get anxious. It's not worth it, so recently, I've been stopping myself to ask, "why is this getting to me?". I know everyone says stuff like, "will this problem really matter in a year" or something, but it's true. I honestly can't remember the last time I was mad about something that actually affected me later. Let it go.

Remember, I love you, and I'm here for you. We are all just trying to figure out this life thing, so stop hating on how one person lives there life. Help them. Now seize the day!

X

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Anxiety and Panic Attacks.

Anxiety is one of the hardest things to understand. Some people assume it's caused by some overly traumatic experience (which it can be), and others assume anxiety is just a way to describe weak people. First things first, I want to clear up some often mislead ideas of anxiety:

1. I was not born with anxiety. I was always a cautious child, but that was awareness not fear. My first panic attack was when I was 15 years old driving to cheer practice.

2. I can't always predict what will make me anxious. I know heights, the unknown, death, and modes of transportation heighten my anxiety. However, sometimes I will simply be talking to someone, and the anxiety will hit. Sometimes I can stop it, other times I can't. However, I've noted some things that make me anxious:

transport (cars, planes, etc)
laying in bed at night to sleep
death
strobe lights
fog
overpasses
bullying
being late
forgetting things
driving
bridges
heights
cold weather

3. Comforting doesn't always help, nor does ignorance. Saying words like, "you're fine", "everything is okay", "just take deep breaths", while these phrases seem great, they do nothing but draw attention to the fact that we are panicking. Instead try words like "I'm here.", "do you want X?", "You are normal/ this is normal.", "I'm so proud of you.", "I love you.", etc. These words work to pull me out of my trance and help me become aware of my surroundings. Also, every anxiety is different. What works for some, doesn't always work for everyone. For me, I need hugs, human contact, and reassuring hand squeezes. These comfort and make me feel safe.

4. Listen and explain. Anxiety is a two way street. It's important for those close to someone with anxiety to listen and support them. However, it is our job to tell our loved ones what is happening. This was difficult for my family because I always seemed so confident and "strong", yet anxiety can make even the strongest feel weak. Telling my parents the extent of my anxiety was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I cried. Mom cried. Dad hugged. Even though telling them hurt, finally getting it out in the open made it worth it. It made me feel less alone.

5. I appreciate your encouragement but don't force me. My parents and friends have done a great job with this one. It's difficult for us, just like everyone else. There were times where I wanted to go shopping with my mom, but as soon as I stepped into the car, I started feeling uncomfortable, dreamlike. Mom would look at me, know, and simply talk the whole way to the mall, holding my hand the whole drive. Although my anxiety has gotten 100x's better than before, I still have my moments, and once anxiety has been forgotten a little, it's difficult to encourage without forcing. Just ask my parents.

6. The best help is to find something that calms us. For me, it's absorbing myself into something I love: painting, hiking, sports, games, etc. These activities create a calm clear mind. It's like starting over.

7. Dealing with panic attacks use every ounce of energy. After a panic attack, I feel like I just spent the whole day running a marathon. I want to sleep and do other lazy activities. However, panic attacks do not make someone weak. They make you feel weak. There's a definitive difference. People with panic attacks are the strongest people out there because everyday, they are fighting themselves. They fight things others can neither see nor understand.

Okay, now that some of that is cleared up, lets continue:

So Amber, how do you deal with your anxiety?

Well, everyone is different, so what works for me may not work for you. This question honestly depends on the situation and the level of anxiety, so let me break it down:

High Anxiety

This is my weakest moment, so I usually try to:

find a safe, quiet room
be with someone I trust
hold onto someone I trust
cry
listen to music
grab something soft
lay down
step away from the situation

Mild Anxiety

try to find somewhere comfortable
listen to music
try deep breathing
hug someone
call someone I trust
lay down
draw/paint/clean

Low Anxiety

listen to music
deep breathing
think of something funny
hug someone
call someone I trust
exercise
tell myself "no" and say I will be okay (this might just work for me)

Does school affect anxiety?

YES. I can't emphasize enough how much school affects anxiety. The worst time for me is finals week. Stress+anxiety? Ugh, no.

My friend/loved one is suffering from anxiety, what can I do?

The best answer I can give is to ask them what you can do. What do they need/want/think. Let them know they are 100% normal, accepted, and definitely not a burden.

How do you do things that scare you without panicking?

It's almost impossible. If it scares me, I will panic, but the important thing for me is pushing through that. I know the difference between reluctance and fear. The hardest part is figuring out what actually scares you vs. just thinking everything will cause panic.

How can you handle flying?

Planes are both amazing and awful. They terrify me. I hate take off, and sometimes, I feel trapped on the plane. I love landing though. These are some of the things that help me when I feel anxious:

listen to my favorite music on loud
sleep
wear an eye cover
keep myself busy (homework/ editing videos/ typing)
watching the flight tracker (This is available on Southwest flights. I don't know about other airlines)
picturing the destination
squeezing my teddy
have water, lots of water

Are you okay?

Is anyone ever truly "okay"? I'm happy and saying yes, and that's the best I can do. Thanks for asking, though. ♥

Remember: you are never alone. There are so many people who suffer from anxiety. It's normal, and there is always someone here for you (me ^.^).

♥

Saturday, January 10, 2015

7 Things I've learned About Family

Welcome Back <3

Throughout my life, I have been through more heartache than most people have even thought of. I have watched as over half of my family died, and the other half fell apart. I learned so much from these horrible events, so I decided to share what I've learned!

1. Family isn't always by blood.

I had a pretty amazing childhood, even after: my grandma's death, my family's falling out, and the horrible problem that are panic attacks. After moping about for awhile in a casual "woe is me" style and after my family has somewhat made amends, I realized my life is still filled with happiness because of my 'adopted' family. My best friend is so close to me that it's hard to remember that we aren't actually twins.

2. Love, protect, and cherish those you love.

This one is a huge deal for me. I lost my role model when I was 8, and afterwards, instead of leaning on my parents, I was filled with a deep anger. After my mom was in her wreck, I realized how easily people can be taken from us. Cherish everyone. Even if it creeps people out, tell your loved ones how much you love them everyday. You never know when they will be taken from you. Make sure you've told them how much you love them.

3. Never let them leave or go to bed angry or hurt.

I know it means sucking up your pride, but I would rather apologize and work through things than leave someone to hurt and stew alone. As I mentioned before, you never know what will happen. I would rather have someone happy than upset and possibly distracted.

4. Love is unconditional and beautiful.

I can't even begin to count the arguments and anger I've felt towards my parents, but it's okay because in the end, they have always been there for me. Even when I was terrified of telling my parents something, it always worked out in the end because we love each other. My best memories with my parents are the ones that can't be bought or replace. Going on trips and spending time together are my happiest moments with everyone, friends included.

5. Showing your weaknesses doesn't make you weak.

The hardest thing I've ever told my parents is: "I've been panicking non-stop for 3 months straight, and I don't know how to stop it." At first, they didn't know how to handle it, but after telling them what I needed during those times, they gladly gave me hugs and hands when needed. My best friend does the same. I was terrified of people thinking I'm "crazy", but those who matter simply said, "okay...how can I help?". Showing your weaknesses can help you overcome and strengthen yourself...just make sure it's to the right people.

6. Pain will heal.

Things happen. Let them make you better not bitter. I know it feels like the end of the world, but trust me: you will survive. There is always someone who loves you. Lean on them. Don't dwell, and if you're going to cry, do it with someone. It's more healing.

7. If you have the opportunity, take it!

Do you have the opportunity to do something that absolutely terrifies you? Great, do it! You life is in your hands. My family are filled with so many regrets and what if's. They helped me realized that life isn't just handed to you. You have to grab life and face it head-on. Fears or no fears. It's all up to you.

Monday, January 5, 2015

New Years by the Sea

Hello lovelies,

Over the New Years holiday, my parents and I were invited out to our good friends' house out at Seaview, WA. This was actually the first New Years that we went somewhere, which sounds very sad.

On an egotistical note, I was obsessed with my hair and makeup, so I thought I would share the whole look.