Negativity

Negativity is everywhere. We all exude it in one way or another, and to be honest, once you get in the 'negative' slump, it's difficult to get out of. It generally starts with a critique. 

"Why is she doing _____. She's not cool." 

Yet 99% of the people who say these exact phrases try to cover their own negativity by judging others'. For example Friend A says, "Gah, my teacher is so stupid. Like, and the kid next to me is soooo annoying." Friend B replies with, "Oh my God, have you met _____? He thinks he's sooo cool, but he's such a loser." Friend A suddenly goes on the defense with, "Who are you to judge?"

Everyone has been there. I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it. So what makes one negativity better than another?

Reflection.

When I think or say something mean, I have started to automatically reflect on my reasoning.

Say I yell at my mom, "Oh my God, Mom, you're so embarrassing.", I immediately start thinking about how that will affect her. When you begin to think on what you say, you realize how spiteful and painful words can be.  
I have come to a point in my life where ego doesn't matter. Sorry does.

How can someone handle negativity? I think it differs for every person, but I can honestly say that I have found ways of handling negativity by combating it with positivity. 

Here are some of the questions that I ask myself:

• Does this hurt/ insult someone?
• Why is this important?
• Does this directly affect someone's life?
• Would this hurt me?
• How will this impact the person?

After I started to think like this, I started to actually feel happier and less anxious. 

How does one combat negativity with positivity?

The best way I can explain this is by examples so here:

• Instead of commenting on one negative thing about someone, comment about what is great about them.
• Instead of criticizing someone for having fun, join them. Dance part-ay anyone?
• Instead of thinking about how shitty today was, think of all of the great things that happened today (even if it was just being alive and waking up). (Go you!)
• Instead of critiquing yourself on minor imperfections, work on flaunting the aspects that make you feel great (like your killer smile!). 
• Instead of calling someone "stupid", "dumb", or an "idiot", think of something positive about them. Like how "cute" they are or how "smart" they are.
• Instead of crushing the successes of others, encourage them. You lost one pound? Good for you!
• Instead of saying you "hate" _____, say that you appreciate something about it, or simply say "it's not my taste/style". 
• Eliminate hate slang from your vocab. I already mentioned this, but words like: stupid, dumb, idiot, lame, fag, etc. are harmful and honestly make you look like the fool. Lose these words. You'll also gain a better vocabulary and appreciation for everything.
• Instead of trying to fit in, do what makes you happy. 
• Instead of responding to mean comments on a post you made, simply ignore it. Let others see how horrible that person is. 
• Drop all racial slurs, and racist, sexist, and any other-ist from your vocab. We are better than that.
• Instead of becoming angry or embarrassed over something, roll with it, laugh it off.
• Stop getting upset of things that won't matter.
• Remember that you are special, and "You go Glenn Coco!"

I hope this helped everyone in someway. I'm by no means saying I'm perfect at this, but I'm making a conscious effort. This is how I'm living happier and with less anxiety. How do you?

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Growing Up

Welcome back,

 

Recently, I've been reflecting and thinking about how far I've come. Since my 20th birthday has just passed, I've started worrying about more adult type problems (along with graduating next year!). I feel like growing up is honestly one of scariest, hardest experiences. In the transition of passing "childhood" and entering "adulthood", there have been so many highs and lows. Panic attacks became prevalent, but the attacks have made the small things all that much more important. I thought I would share some tips/ things I've learned from the rockiest times of my life thus far:

• Best friends come when you least expect it. 

I found my best friend in a hellish English class, and our first conversation was debating a guy's sexuality. Besties.

• You are never too busy for those you love.

In the midst of finals, homework, etc., it can easily feel as though you have no time, but trust me, if someone is important, you will always make time.

• Keep the ride or die friends and drop the rest.

Life is too short to live with people who are playing games with you. If you find yourself questioning their love for you or if they are constantly making you feel bad, they are not your friends. I learned this the hard way. As a side note in this, relationships are included. If it feels wrong, it is. Let them go.

• If something makes you happy, do it.

On the same lines as before, we only have one life, so why waste it pretending to be happy? A song makes you want to dance? Dance. I would rather have an 'embarrassing' friend than a friend who is too reserved, and honestly, those who tell you stop or do something else are irrelevant. You do you, girl (boy).

• There will be times when you fall apart.

Trust me, I feel you. Maybe it's stress. Maybe your dog just died. Or maybe it's everything at once. I've been there. I've cried, broken down, but in the end, those who loved me were always there, whether family, friends, or other. They won't judge you because it's normal to feel things.

• Too many things is a bad thing.

For the longest time, I tried to constantly fit in, so I thought material possessions would help. NEWS FLASH: they don't. If anything, it makes you feel materialistic. I recently just purged over 90% of my closet because honestly half of the clothes didn't make me feel happy or confident, same with my makeup. Invest in classic pieces.

• Start a healthy life young, so it will be habit when you're old.

So many people think that their metabolisms will stay high even into adulthood. That's not the case for everyone. Also, being healthy makes you feel so much better. I know it sounds hard now, but trust me, once you stop something, it stops being good. For example, I quit drinking pop and other sugary drinks in 8th grade, and my acne cleared up, I never crave the sugar, and my body revolts at the thought of pop. Drinking pop actually makes me physically sick.

• If it scares you, ask yourself why. If it is an illogical reason, do it anyways.

I've read a lot of posts that say, "if it scares you, do it". I don't think that is necessarily good, but I think that if it's an irrational fear, then you should do it. For example, sometimes I get scared to do something for fear of having a panic attack. While it seems impossible, I continue on with my plans because panic attack or not, I refuse to let my fears hold me back. However, this does not mean do something childishly stupid that could leave you hurt or worse. Use logic.

• Lust and love are not the same thing.

There are two types of attention: good and bad. I would rather have a boy like me when I look super modest than have a boy hit on me at the club. When I was in high school, there was a constant pressure to be sexy, but in reality, those who notice the sexiness are generally just after you physically. It's a one and done deal, not a forever type. Learn the difference and demand respect. Don't settle for less.

• The best role models are the timeless ones.

For me, my role models are people like Audrey Hepburn or Julie Andrews. Both women are classy and fabulously sassy. Another example is Emma Watson. One thing all of these women have in common is their feminist approaches, while still being likeable.

• Every cause is worth the support.

I'm not saying you should be overly passionate about every cause because that doesn't benefit anything. What I am saying is that you should always listen to different views and properly research. I mention this because I used to get annoyed with 'feminists', until I actually researched feminism. It's not about man-hating, it's about equality. Other important causes are sexual-identity issues (LGBTQ) and race issues. One should never be ignorant in these sorts of causes. Everyone is human, stand up for them. You never know who may come out as LGBTQ or who you will see being publicly shamed or hated for their skin color or sex. Stand up for those who are hated against (except Westboro Baptist).

• Never lose an opportunity to tell someone you love them/they are important.

The hardest part about growing up is realizing how much one thing can affect someone. People often think everyone is fine, but it's usually the happiest people who are falling apart on the inside. You never know how close someone is to giving up. Just by giving them a compliment or protecting them from hate can pull them back from the precipice. It's not awkward, and it doesn't make you a 'loser'. Male, female, adult, child, it doesn't matter. Everyone matters, and you should try to make yourself the person that people know will always be there. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

And finally,

• Let it go.

I feel like this is a cliché, but I can't bring myself to care. In high school, I was constantly worrying about what others would think, and I would get so upset over small, petty things. Once I started having panic attacks, I realized how insignificant most problems are. When I start to feel angry over some small, insignificant problem,  I feel myself start to get anxious. It's not worth it, so recently, I've been stopping myself to ask, "why is this getting to me?". I know everyone says stuff like, "will this problem really matter in a year" or something, but it's true. I honestly can't remember the last time I was mad about something that actually affected me later. Let it go.

Remember, I love you, and I'm here for you. We are all just trying to figure out this life thing, so stop hating on how one person lives there life. Help them. Now seize the day!

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